For the last 16 years all I heard was “she” “her” “sister” “lesbian” etc. I thought “there’s no way this is me. I’m not comfortable hearing these things directed at me!” My deadname made me uncomfortable also… I did some digging and I found out who I really am. I am not Deadname. I am not a sister. I am not a lesbian. I am not a she. or a her.
I am Macadamia. Mac for short. A transgender woman friend of mine and I were talking one day and she said “Mac.” and it immediately clicked that that was who I am. I am Mac or Macadamia. I am a nonbinary/ nongender conforming 17 year old. Not many people supported me in real life. My family is very homophobic and transphobic. I live in a small town and this isn’t very common and not widely accepted. But I met my boyfriend Justin, and he changed my perspective on everything.
Justin I didn’t tell in the beginning I was nonbinary in fear that he wouldn’t accept me. But friends online started commenting Mac and calling me Mac and he was confused. So he asked who Mac is. I hesitated to tell him, not knowing his views on people like me. I assured him he didn’t need to call me Mac and he could continue using the wrong pronouns and use my deadname. He saw how happy it made me when someone called me Mac and used the right pronouns, he started. He assured he that he loved me for me, not for who I wasn’t. He accepted me and still does to this day. I haven’t come out to many people in real life, but those that I did don’t accept me. And that is why I hesitated to tell him who I was. He asked what nonbinary is and many other questions and kept assuring me he wanted to make me happy, and if calling me Mac/ Macadamia made me happy, he would do that. I am Macadamia. I am 17 years old. I will always accept you for who you are. I love you all.